if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
