just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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