Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
