that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
