Will you blow on my dice?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
