he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
