sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
