I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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