Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
