I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize