either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
