Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
