Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
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we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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