Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
