Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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