You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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