just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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