Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
