She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
