What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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