Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
