and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
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truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
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If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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