Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
