my cup is half full, half full of rum.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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