And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
