You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
