i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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