so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
