i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
