are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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