youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
