i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
