I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
ttyl tear gas
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
