you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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