I hate all girls vehemently.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My penis needs a shock collar
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
