Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
