it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
