omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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