the condom got lost in my hair
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
