Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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