didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
