And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
