my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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