I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
