I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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