Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Randomize
