I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Randomize
