Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
