Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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