I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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