I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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