I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
