It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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