I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
