she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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