If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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