Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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