Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
